"All Things Bright and Beautiful"

About once a month I sing with the worship team at my church. This is both exciting and nerve racking for me. I always try to look my best, as I will be standing in from of the congregation. One particular morning I wore an adorable polka-dot pencil skirt (guys that basically means it was straight and to the knees). As usual I was running just a bit late. In my haste I over stepped getting out of the car and hear a gut-wrenching rip. I froze, my heart palpitated, and then my fingers gingerly crept to the back of my skirt to feel the damage. No, oh no! Really?! Yep. The slit in my skirt had ripped all the way up to…..ahem…..an essential area. I couldn’t have the whole church seeing “All That I Am”. So I did what any rational adult would do, ran to the bathroom and panicked. Standing in front of the mirror I survey the devastation; hopped up and down flapping my hands as if I were about to take off. All the while muttering pathetically, “no, no, no, no, no…..” and praying that God would perform a miracle. I understand that “He Hidith My Soul” but right then I needed Him to hidith a few other things too. My friend walked in, and I spewed out my sad tale and asked her for a safety pin. She told me that had she not lost her keys to her office then she would have had access to all kinds fastening devices. Alas, this was not a good day for either of us. As we were talking she accidentally bumped her hand spilling her coffee all over her white blouse. Fail. Now there were two adult women panicking in the bathroom. After a good twenty-minute-freak-out session I finally procured a safety pin. The largest safety pin I had ever seen in my life! My eyes filled with tears of joy. Then I suddenly realized what time it was. What the what!!! I should have been on stage 10 minutes ago. Running up the stairs, careful to not loose my pin, I burst into the sanctuary just in time to grab my mic and start the first song. Which sounded not so good since I had missed the sound check completely and was out of breath. But I guess people will have learned to take me “Just As I Am”.

Warning Explosion Imminent

I believe in staying well caffeinated at work. Thus I occasionally drink Coke (for you southerners when I say "Coke" I mean the brand not the generic term for soda). So I keep a little stash of cans in our mini fridge at work. For two years this has never been a problem. Today I receive the following email: Could the person who kept the can of Coke Zero in the mini fridge please clean it up as there has been an explosion. "Hahaha, now who's being overly dramatic?", I thought. I could not have been more wrong. Explosion is the only way to describe the travesty that was my can of soda. Apparently the mini fridge having had enough of being at "normal" temperature decided it was time to get a little chilly. Slowly and steadily my fizzy drink was locked into ice crystals. When the pressure was too much the entire top (keep in mind this is a can) burst off gushing the sugary goodness all over the fuselage. The carnage was great. Not only was the beverage wasted but the collateral damage included a tub of hummus, two expired yogurts, and a half eaten biscuit. Saddened and still in shock I began to clean up the wreckage. I cried a little when I found the remnants of the can's top in a crumbled ball at the back of the refrigerator. With in minutes the mayhem was cleaned and nearly forgotten, the only sign of the tragedy is a small crack on the side of the door. May we never forget the loss of the Coke Explosion.

And here we go!

I am starting this blog because very strange and wonderful things happen in my life and I feel that they should be shared. People should know that no matter how weird or disjointed their day is there is someone out there experiencing the exact same thing.....me. Not a day goes by when I don't have a wardrobe malfunction, pet crisis, freakeshly odd customers, major breakdown of something I didn't know existed but is essential in my house, etc. All the world's a stage and my life is a farce. So sit back and enjoy life with me!